There was a deeply embedded belief that I was meant for mediocrity and scraping by the bottom of the barrel.
And then I started to get to know myself. Like reaalllyyyyy get to know myself.
I meditated each days for months. I started looking myself in the eye in the mirror each day and worked to find positive things to say to myself. I began exploring my relationships with religion, shame, money, marriage, gender-roles, peace, violence, guilt, my body, food, my mental health, grief, parenting and so on…
What I came to know about myself is that I’m wild passionate and dedicated to learning and that even though I have a knack for seeing the positive in a lot of shitty situations, I will also keep seeking for more knowledge, for more depth and freedom in my spirituality. I will not settle.
And at time that’s frustrating. It’s frustrating to sometimes feel like I can’t fully settle into comfort and happiness and contentment. Whether this is due to my long-term relationship with mental health fluctuations or, or just because I was inadvertently led to believe that I needed to be a super-achiever, people-pleaser and perfectionist, who knows.
But what I now know is that I know more about myself, and less about everything else, than ever before.
I have more internal trust, and less external answers than ever before.
Which can feel scary. Like I’m sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting for something to make sense again scientifically and spiritually at the same time.
Sometimes my wish for an answers come through and I find a personal truth that deeply resonates with me, while other times I find myself more confused and wondering than ever before.
What I do know is that by approaching my life with a more open view, with less regulations and more freedom to really look at all of my resources, I have come to believe that I really am made for success.
My limiting beliefs are what have kept my from perceived success in the past, but I’ve come to find new beliefs through confronting the thoughts that conflicted with my desired reality.
It’s wild y’all. We really are the creators of our own realities through our own thoughts and perceptions.. and once we embrace that, once I embraced that and once YOU embrace that.. your whole world and worldview changes and shifts drastically.
I allow less people’s into close proximity to my energetic circle because my energy shifts require more personal time to reflect and rewire my subconscious brain.
My quality of relationships with people and concepts has improved and deepened, and even thought the growing pains are hella real, I wholeheartedly believe, now more than ever, that I am capable of greater things than I ever imagined.
As I take control of my thoughts and shift my reality, it’s only a matter of time before I’m traveling to retreats and conferences to speak to hundreds and thousands of people. It’s only a matter of time before I become an author of multiple books, while holding space for really living the life of my dreams instead of just settling for what I “should just be grateful for”.
I love this life for all that it has to offer us. I love my brain, my heart, my intuition, and my soul, for guiding me closer to home each and every year that I allow them to take the reins.
This human experience is so wild and cool. I’m grateful for how I’ve gotten to where I am now- connected with my body and understanding her needs and gifting her with her needs being met.. so wild different than when I couldn’t find a single positive thing I liked about myself!
Learning to love myself if the greatest gift I’ve ever given and received in my whole life. And watching clients learnt to do the same is.. breathtaking. Sometimes I’m speechless from joy for them as they share what incredible things are happening in their lives, and I’m in awe of their commitment to their own self-love and healing journeys.
All this to say that we are powerful creatures, and sometimes we just need a little push to find our truths that change our whole world, internally and externally, so that we really live our best lives.
Love you 🦋
Reagan